Thursday, January 22, 2009

The big C?

Jeff and I had talked about trying to have a baby, so I had quit getting my birth control shot. Reality set in and we both realized that right now we just can't afford to have another baby. So I made an appointment with the health department.

Since I had been off my birth control, I had to do a Pap and all that fun stuff, wait 2 weeks (no sex) and then come back and do another pregnancy test and they would give me my shot.

When I went in this morning, I noticed a new paper in my chart so I was looking over it as the nurse was getting everything ready. It was my pap results.

A little over 2 years ago, I had an abnormal pap. I had to have a colposcoy done and they did a biopsy of the cells as well. Everything came back fine. Not precancerous or anything. Because of that abnormal pap though I also had to have pap's done every 3-6 months just to keep an eye on things. All of those were fine. I had my last one right before I moved here last year.

This time the results are not just abnormal they are: High-grade squamous intraepithelial lesions (HSIL): This category is used for cell changes that have a higher likelihood of progressing to cancer. This category includes the presence of moderate to severe dysplasia, carcinoma in situ (CIS), CIN 2 and CIN 3, or changes suspicious for invasive cancer.

I really do not know anything other than the cells look worse than they did the first time. Which scares me. Will this keep coming back every year or so and gradually get worse until I do have cancer? Do I have cancer now?

I have to go have another colposcopy done at the end of February and probably a biopsy as well. Then I should know a little more as far as what is wrong.

I asked the nurse practitioner if I should get the HPV shot. She said that they do not know what effect it has in people over 26 as they have not studied it. I will be 26 in March. She said that it is also costly. It is $140 a shot and you have to have 3 shots over a 6 month period. She did say though that if it was her, she would get it. Guess my emergency fund will be going towards that.

I also asked what kind of treatment there is and basically they will do the colposcopy and the biopsy and then if there is cancer they will have to remove the parts of my cervix that are infected. Depending on how much they have to remove, it can prevent me from being able to conceive.

I called my mom after I got to work and got some stuff taken care of. As soon as I started talking to her I started crying. She offered to come up here and do whatever she needed too. Can you make it go away? Then she asked if I had told Jeff. Mom that is not a conversation I want to have on the phone. "Hi dear! How's your day? Oh yeah, it looks like I might have cancer." Honestly, it is not a conversation I want to have when I get home tonight either.

We have decided to put off having a baby, and now we might not even be able to have one. I guess I am lucky that I already have Daniel. I know I have to think positive (thanks for reminding me mom) but right now I am just scared.

Anyone have any experience with this?


Liz said...

Oh sweety! -Hugs- If there's anything I can do, let me know! -waves a magic wand- Gone away yet? No? I'm sorry :( I tried. If there's anything else, let me know.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Oh Natalie--I'm so sorry. I have had no experience with this--but I do think that whatever may be wrong, they have caught it early and that is a good thing. Get as many opinions as possible before any surgery or other options. It's your body--and you need to make sure that you are doing the right thing.

It's okay to be upset. That possible "C" word is scary. But unfortunately it happens. Hopefully, yours won't turn into that. You just have to take things --one day at a time.

I'm glad you have your mother --to be with you through this, and of course your sweet hubby--and wonderful, brilliant son!!!! Just hold on tight to them--and with God's help, you will get through this--whatever happens.


Bobbi said...

I'm sorry Natatlie - I know you're scared to death!

As a retired OB nurse, I know I've seen lots of women with dysplasia (abnormal cells), and many more with highly abnormal paps. They usually have to have paps every few months to monitor the condition.

Colposcopy and biopsy will probably be able to tell you more when the results come back. Since you aren't scheduled for these tests until the end of February, the doctor must think things are very serious. Usually if they suspect full blown cancer, they would do the testing immediately.

I don't know much about the HPV shot, but if the doctor or NP feels it will help, it will be worth your emergency fund to get them.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

Jan Ross said...

I don't know a thing about this, Natlie. I even had to look up coloscopy because I had never heard of it.

Keep us updated - you are in my prayers!

(I think Bobbie meant to say not very serious above!)

Natalie said...

Bobbi the appointment on the 20th was the first appointment they had.

Jessica said...


I don't have experience with this, but a lump was found in my breast when I was 24, 3 months before my wedding. It turned out to be a fibroid cyst and has not caused any other problems, but I know I was scared, very scared.

I'm very sorry you have to go through this. I will keep you in my prayers. Please let me know if you need help, anything, even a shoulder to cry on. I'm here.

Shadows of the goddess designs said...

Natalie... are you going to a health dept dr for all for this ?? I had bad experiences with their dr.s ..I would defintely get a second opinion right away. I do recommend the u of Ky dr's.If the health dept can not refer you planned parenthood and ask them if they can refer you or know someone that can.. U of KY did my hysteromy and at the time i had gone to them to see if i had cervical cancer ...long story... I was very happy with their knowledge and thier care.. The health dept i DO NOT recommend for a dog.

hls1209 said...

I agree with Shadow - I would get a second opinion. I know you are scared, and I can only imagine what you are going through right now. I will be praying for you.

mrsb said...

Hi, Natalie! Just trying to get caught up on blogs and read this. I have a similar situation with bad cells in one breast. I have to go for a mammogram every 6 months. So far so good *knock wood*.

I will keep you in my prayers that this is just something you'll have to keep an eye on. Keep thinking positively!