Friday, February 6, 2009

Just a little rant to feel better

Lying in bed last night, my husband and I (get your minds out of the gutter!) were talking about what happened with my sister in laws baby. (see nothing sexy there) I brought up the fact that if I do have cervical cancer and they take parts of my cervix I might not ever be able to carry a child full term. I know it is possible to still have a normal pregnancy, but I guess I am just trying to prepare Jeff for what might come.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the fact that because I have the HPV virus that my chances of cervical cancer are a lot higher. To me, just the fact that I have had this same problem twice in less than 2 years, is pretty scary. If it is not cancer this time, then what about 3 months from now or 6 months from now? I have been seriously considering a preventitive hysterectomy. I had mentioned this to Jeff before, but we really started talking about it last night.

Instead of being supportive he told me I was being negative and looking at the worse case scenario and how I had not even talked to the Dr. about it yet. I told him I was jsut trying to talk to him about what I was thinking and how I really do not want to live in fear tha everytime I go to the Dr he is going to tell me I have cancer. Which brought up the argument that just because I have a hysterectomy does not mean I won't get cancer. DUH! I do know that but if I have the virus that puts me at a higher risk and I am obviously already having problems does it not make sense to consider it?

It really bothers me how badly my husband does not seem to understand where I am coming from. I guess because I was really hoping he would listen to me and instead he was such an ass.

What do you guys think? Am I being negative and focusing on worse case? Am I "stupid" to be considering this without having talked to the Dr. first? The Dr might not think I should have one but what if I do decide that is what is best for me? Do I not have the right to decide about my own body?


Liz said...

Hysto's are a big step.
I understand your concern. Talk to your doc first before making a firm decision. I don't think it's a bad thing to consider the possibilities. It's better than to go into the situation blindly. [[hugs]] Calm down. It may not be as bad as you think.

Janelle said...

I think it's good to have it in the back of your mind to be realistic, but just keep it there until you know things a little better.

I'm new to your blog so I don't know you well, but maybe your husband just isn't ready to deal. What happens with the reproductive part of your body profoundly effects him too. Guys sometimes have a hard time talking through things-try not to hold it against him, you need his comfort and support.

Hopefully you feel better now that you've posted and you can relax a little until you know more.

Sending prayers your way!

Jessica said...

I agree with the above statements.

I think they are just being realistic. I have to mentally prepare myself for the worst case scenario so I can later be relieved when it isn't that bad.

I hate being blind-sided.

I think Jeff may be dealing with this differently. Men don't want to think of the worst case scenario. They want to avoid it until it happens.

Women are planners and you are just doing that.

Give him time. I don't think he was trying to be completely negative.

hls1209 said...

Natalie, I think you are thinking along the right lines, but see a doctor first, and then get a second and third opinion before making that decision (if it comes to that). I have a family friend who had both breasts removed, electively, after her mother died of breast cancer. She is only 28, and has never had children. Cancer runs in her family, and after losing her mother, she decided to take a bold step that could potentially save her life. I am still keeping you in my thoughts. And, I agree with Jessica-men are not planners, they are "last minute" decision makers. Hang in there!